Dommenique
Luxor talks about the work and routine of a Dominatrix
Assumed
sadist, she loves her lifestyle, and men pay her top cash to exult in pleasure,
while she abuses them.
From now
on, you’ll be named slave.
That’s Dommenique Luxor’s first warn on the book “Me, Dommenique”(Leya,
192 pages, R$ 19,90)), whose introduction is dedicated to explain the rules of
engagement. ”I’ll decide when I’ll use
your body and your mind. You’ll be my pet, my doormat, my servant, my object.”
In sale for
four months, the 7 thousand exemplars of the first edition are about to be sold
out on bookstores – an enviable result to the Brazilian market, as 3 thousand
copies frequently remain unsold. The writer, called Daniela Carvalho de Paula,
was born 35 years ago in Canoas and about 10 years ago quit her job on Banco do
Brasil, to become Dommenique Luxor, a professional dominatrix.
Assumed
sadist, she loves her lifestyle, and men pay her top cash to exult in pleasure,
while she trains and abuse them. Dommenique lives in Porto Alegre and her power
is made clear by her look: Extra high-heeled leather sandals, black latex
pants, a long blond hair, lengthening her 1,75m curvaceous body,
We’ve no
evidences that another Brazilian dominatrix who exposed herself so much,
assuming a lifestyle mostly seen on the underground. Here, differently from
Germany, England or USA, we never had a sexually open-minded society, in those
countries, these BDSM parties happens since the 70’s, and the fetish culture
influenced on fashion and even music.
There’s no
doubt that “Me, Dommenique”only exists due to “50 Shades of Grey”, best=seller
from the British writer E.L. James, published in 2011dealing on BDSM. In its
track, Leya Publishers searched for a Brazilian dome. And Dommenique wrote the
192 pages in amazing 2 weeks!
But be
forewarned: if we compare the erotic and libido levels, “50 Shades” will seem
naïve.
Donna –
What are your clients profile?
Dommenique
Luxor – It’s the profile of a cultured and well succeeded man. Usually they’re
directors, managers, so they command the employees. They’re frequently refined
people, well-travelled and who had access to tat kind of fetish by books or
experiences abroad. Some of them appear on Caras, some are well known actors
sons of bankers. Many of them are married.
Donna - Are the
frustrated for not acting those fantasies with their wives?
DL - I wouldn’t
say frustrated. They’re happy in their marriage. But at home, they already have
pre-established roles, very well defined, and not always compatible with
certain fantasies. They love their wives and usually they try to satisfy them,
but they’ll hardly know that, to satisfy them, it1s useless to buy a plastic
handcuff on a sex shop, because it’ll never represent a power based
relationship. Any man can beak it if he
wants. It’s useless to those into bondage.
Donna - You said
that many clients are bosses at work. Why men that are used to boss people
around, like to be dominated?
DL -They have
too much power in all of their lives aspects. That creates a lot of tension.
So, they want to relax. But are they going to relax being beaten and
humiliated? Yes, they relax when they lose the control over the situation. And
it’s with a unknown person, away from their self-imposed routine, that they
feel free to do so.
Donna - How fetish
came into your life?
DL - When I was
5 years old I was fascinated by masked people. I remember a carnival in Rio
with my father, and right from the middle of the parade, a man came out trying
to frighten me, running towards me. He’s wearing a black skull mask, and I
could only see his eyes. I went crazy with those eyes! I started dreaming with
that, to have delightful dreams with masked people, that somehow looked more
like an object then a man .My friends liked the Menudos , but I wanted to be
kidnapped by Darth Vader. I always found myself attracted by the shy,
submissive boys. I liked the nerd, the ugly ones.
 |
| We’ve no evidences that another Brazilian dominatrix who exposed herself so much, assuming a lifestyle mostly seen on the underground. |
Donna - Did you
start feeling pleasure with others suffering when you’re a teen?
DL - When I was
18, I met a gothic, androgens look, thin, milky white, tattooed all over, who
turned out to be my best friend. He asked me to put piercings on him. When
we’re listening to music in the bedroom, he lay down on the floor and asked me
to trample him all over his body, wearing high heels and I found it awesome.
One day, he asked me to take him to a party wearing a collar and guided by me
with a leash. Then we started going out this way.
Donna - Don’t you
ever feel guilty for feeling pleasure by seeing people suffering?
DL - Sometimes I
still blame myself. There are times when I think: “Am I evil? Am I stimulating
violence?”. Well, it’s all done in privacy, absolutely consensual, the
submissive part is there because he WANTS to, and I’m feeling cruel because I
want. I’ve been questioning myself a lot less lately. Before, as a good
dominatrix believed that everything happened because I wanted it to. It’s not
true. What really happens is a power exchange, a two way street.
Donna - Did this
sadism ever appear out of the sexual context?
DL - Never, I
feel pleasure when the suffering is included in a scene created by me to
satisfy myself. And it’s a fetish scene. I’m not a psycho that gets off by
seeing someone getting beaten on the street. A scene like that could never
excite me. I’m reciprocal, I feel sorry when I see sadness in someone. I’ve
empathy for the human being; I’m a very loving person.
Donna - When we
read your book, it’s hard to imagine you cuddling with your boyfriend while
watching a movie on TV on a Saturday night…
DL - Of course I
do that! He doesn’t need to be a masochist to be my boyfriend. I’m not going to
spank or whip him if it’s not pleasurable to him. But of course, the same way,
when a woman buys lingerie to spice the relationship, a man could - and should
– do the same. There are small things that I care affective and sexually. I
believe in marriage, in the complicity and partnership between 2 people that
can last 30, 40, 50 years. Obviously with honesty and freedom for the people be
as they want to be.
Donna - You were
married for 11 years. Was your ex a masochist?
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| Mistress Dommenique |
DL - No but he
has a personality very similar to mine. He’s reciprocal, caring and he treated
me like a queen, was open to new experiences and admired my courage on doing my
job. He knew I could never be involved affectively with other men. But I wanted
freedom to dominate them and carry on with my dreams. He never denied supporting
me. We’re very happy.
Donna - What do
your 10 years old son knows about your work?
DL - He knows a
little bit about what I do. At this age, children often make a lot of
questions, and I answer them under a limit, never imposing subjects or symbols
that could interfere on his sexual education. I never let him see my
accessories, for example. But I say I’m a dominatrix, that I interact with
people that like doing me favors; and that my job is more or less like acting.
And in this play, I impersonate a queen, while my clients assume the role of
vassals to this queen.
Donna - Here in
Brazil it’s really seldom a dominatrix show her faces and assumes her job. You
seem to be OK with that.
DL - It’s not
easy to assume. I never felt ashamed of my job, I love what I do, but I was
concerned with the way my parents would deal with it. I couldn’t tell them, and
because of that, I didn’t post my face on the internet. It was awful; I wanted
to tell the world what I did. It didn’t make any sense hiding myself.
Everything got better when I was invited to write this book. With it I gained
legitimacy, a social recognition as a professional and a writer. I told my
family about the book, and my father said: If that’s what you like, you’ll
still being our daughter and receiving all our support. You just have to face
the consequences”.
Donna - Your book
is a lot more explicit then 50 Shades of Grey, whilst there are some
similarities on certain parts. You sign a contract with a masochist, that
starts living in your house, and you have control over his body for a whole
month. And ask a client to count the lashes you give him. Are these merely
coincidences?
DL - Signing
contracts on a S&M relationship is rather old: since Sacher-Masoch (an
Austro-Hungarian writer whose surname inspired the term “masochism”). His most
famous romance; ”A Venus in Furs” (1870)tells the history of a couple that
signs a servitude contract; the man on the role of a slave, and the woman on
the role of a mistress. If someone really desires being a slave, signing a
contract is mandatory. After all, I’m bringing into my house a person I seldom
know. And counting the lashes is an usual practice in S&M. We can’t compare
the two books; they’ve different approach and narrative. I didn’t write a
romance, they’re real histories.
Donna - This
obsession on controlling people, must appear in other points of your life.
Isn’t it healthier, sometimes, being a little bit more flexible?
DL - No doubt
about it. There was a time on witch I wanted to control everything: my clients,
my future, my marriage, my son, my body – it needed to be thin and perfect -,
my dominatrix look and my posture. Then we get to a moment where you say:
“Everyone will do as you tell them to. As a result, my autonomic nervous system
(that commands everything we don’t (breathing, digestion, blood pressure…) got
unbalanced. I had tachycardia, my blood pressure got really high and I started
panting. I had sort of a “panic attack”. My body was trying to tell me “No, you
cannot control everything, and to show you that, I’ll ignore you, and I will
work as it seems fit to me”. I start seeing a psychiatrist, eating instant
noodle and I recognized that I also needed my submissive side.
Donna - In your
sessions, did anything gone wrong?
DL - Yes. Once I
had a client that wanted to be in bondage. I’ve a black leather bag, with lots
of buckles, and he wanted to be inside it: Motionless, from head to toe,
incapable to speak or see anything. He told me to lock him there and leave. As
I’m not stupid, I kept watching by the door. 2 minutes later he started
struggling and moaning desperately. Of course, he gets off watching movies with
people in bondage. His fetish was much more voyeuristic than masochistic. I
went back to the room, told him to calm down,, that I was going to release him
and then I gave his money back. He was SO frustrated, and so was I, cause he
had promised me that I could do all I wanted to. I did nothing.
Donna - How is and
what happens when a client contacts you for the first time?
DL - When I
started working with BDSM, I posted a few questions on my website, to help me
understand my client’s needs. Nowadays, it’s my clients who must fulfill my
needs. The first contact occurs by email, and the first thing I need to know,
is if they have any restriction to topics that I like the m most. I do not accept serious objections
in 4 topics: spanking (intensity defined by the submissive tolerance), CBT,
bondage and tease and denial. Also, I’ve
been avoiding sessions with subs without a certain level of experience. During
the email exchange, I also ask whether if he’s married or have a girlfriend, to
learn if can or cannot live marks on his body.
Donna - Do you have
a high demand for your services?
DL - I used to
have up to 5 clients per week. Today, I I’ve about 3 clients a month. Now, I choose
my clients, but before I accepted anyone. Today, my priority is not only to
make money, but to feel good within the lifestyle I chose. That’s the way I
want it to be, I’m in charge. Don’t bother showing me a list of your fetishes.
I don’t like, for instance, over exaggerate feminization. Dressing up a sub in
latex, is cool, but some want to wear
mini-skirts, wigs… In my opinion, they look quiet ridiculous. I’m attracted by
the male figure.
Donna - Seeing so many
people getting pleasure by submitting, did you ever feel interested in
submitting?
DL - You’ve never tried being a botton, instead?
I sure did,
with my ex. It didn’t work. Once, I’ve tried hot wax on my body, but I hated,
it hurts too much. I rather do it on the others.
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