Interview to the Zero Hora newspaper: "Dommenique Luxor, Brazil's Most Famous Dominatrix"

Dommenique Luxor talks about the work and routine of a Dominatrix

Assumed sadist, she loves her lifestyle, and men pay her top cash to exult in pleasure, while she abuses them.

From now on, you’ll be named slave.

That’s Dommenique Luxor’s  first warn on the book “Me, Dommenique”(Leya, 192 pages, R$ 19,90)), whose introduction is dedicated to explain the rules of engagement.  ”I’ll decide when I’ll use your body and your mind. You’ll be my pet, my doormat, my servant, my object.”

In sale for four months, the 7 thousand exemplars of the first edition are about to be sold out on bookstores – an enviable result to the Brazilian market, as 3 thousand copies frequently remain unsold. The writer, called Daniela Carvalho de Paula, was born 35 years ago in Canoas and about 10 years ago quit her job on Banco do Brasil, to become Dommenique Luxor, a professional dominatrix.

Assumed sadist, she loves her lifestyle, and men pay her top cash to exult in pleasure, while she trains and abuse them. Dommenique lives in Porto Alegre and her power is made clear by her look: Extra high-heeled leather sandals, black latex pants, a long blond hair, lengthening her 1,75m curvaceous body,

We’ve no evidences that another Brazilian dominatrix who exposed herself so much, assuming a lifestyle mostly seen on the underground. Here, differently from Germany, England or USA, we never had a sexually open-minded society, in those countries, these BDSM parties happens since the 70’s, and the fetish culture influenced on fashion and even music.

There’s no doubt that “Me, Dommenique”only exists due to “50 Shades of Grey”, best=seller from the British writer E.L. James, published in 2011dealing on BDSM. In its track, Leya Publishers searched for a Brazilian dome. And Dommenique wrote the 192 pages in amazing 2 weeks!
But be forewarned: if we compare the erotic and libido levels, “50 Shades” will seem naïve.

Donna – What are your clients profile?
Dommenique Luxor – It’s the profile of a cultured and well succeeded man. Usually they’re directors, managers, so they command the employees. They’re frequently refined people, well-travelled and who had access to tat kind of fetish by books or experiences abroad. Some of them appear on Caras, some are well known actors sons of bankers. Many of them are married.

Donna - Are the frustrated for not acting those fantasies with their wives?
DL - I wouldn’t say frustrated. They’re happy in their marriage. But at home, they already have pre-established roles, very well defined, and not always compatible with certain fantasies. They love their wives and usually they try to satisfy them, but they’ll hardly know that, to satisfy them, it1s useless to buy a plastic handcuff on a sex shop, because it’ll never represent a power based relationship.  Any man can beak it if he wants. It’s useless to those into bondage.

Donna - You said that many clients are bosses at work. Why men that are used to boss people around, like to be dominated?
DL -They have too much power in all of their lives aspects. That creates a lot of tension. So, they want to relax. But are they going to relax being beaten and humiliated? Yes, they relax when they lose the control over the situation. And it’s with a unknown person, away from their self-imposed routine, that they feel free to do so.

Donna - How fetish came into your life?
DL - When I was 5 years old I was fascinated by masked people. I remember a carnival in Rio with my father, and right from the middle of the parade, a man came out trying to frighten me, running towards me. He’s wearing a black skull mask, and I could only see his eyes. I went crazy with those eyes! I started dreaming with that, to have delightful dreams with masked people, that somehow looked more like an object then a man .My friends liked the Menudos , but I wanted to be kidnapped by Darth Vader. I always found myself attracted by the shy, submissive boys. I liked the nerd, the ugly ones.

We’ve no evidences that another Brazilian dominatrix who exposed herself so much, assuming a lifestyle mostly seen on the underground. 
Donna - Did you start feeling pleasure with others suffering when you’re a teen?
DL - When I was 18, I met a gothic, androgens look, thin, milky white, tattooed all over, who turned out to be my best friend. He asked me to put piercings on him. When we’re listening to music in the bedroom, he lay down on the floor and asked me to trample him all over his body, wearing high heels and I found it awesome. One day, he asked me to take him to a party wearing a collar and guided by me with a leash. Then we started going out this way.

Donna - Don’t you ever feel guilty for feeling pleasure by seeing people suffering?
DL - Sometimes I still blame myself. There are times when I think: “Am I evil? Am I stimulating violence?”. Well, it’s all done in privacy, absolutely consensual, the submissive part is there because he WANTS to, and I’m feeling cruel because I want. I’ve been questioning myself a lot less lately. Before, as a good dominatrix believed that everything happened because I wanted it to. It’s not true. What really happens is a power exchange, a two way street.

Donna - Did this sadism ever appear out of the sexual context?
DL - Never, I feel pleasure when the suffering is included in a scene created by me to satisfy myself. And it’s a fetish scene. I’m not a psycho that gets off by seeing someone getting beaten on the street. A scene like that could never excite me. I’m reciprocal, I feel sorry when I see sadness in someone. I’ve empathy for the human being; I’m a very loving person.

Donna - When we read your book, it’s hard to imagine you cuddling with your boyfriend while watching a movie on TV on a Saturday night…
DL - Of course I do that! He doesn’t need to be a masochist to be my boyfriend. I’m not going to spank or whip him if it’s not pleasurable to him. But of course, the same way, when a woman buys lingerie to spice the relationship, a man could - and should – do the same. There are small things that I care affective and sexually. I believe in marriage, in the complicity and partnership between 2 people that can last 30, 40, 50 years. Obviously with honesty and freedom for the people be as they want to be.

Donna - You were married for 11 years. Was your ex a masochist?
Mistress Dommenique
DL - No but he has a personality very similar to mine. He’s reciprocal, caring and he treated me like a queen, was open to new experiences and admired my courage on doing my job. He knew I could never be involved affectively with other men. But I wanted freedom to dominate them and carry on with my dreams. He never denied supporting me. We’re very happy.

Donna - What do your 10 years old son knows about your work?
DL - He knows a little bit about what I do. At this age, children often make a lot of questions, and I answer them under a limit, never imposing subjects or symbols that could interfere on his sexual education. I never let him see my accessories, for example. But I say I’m a dominatrix, that I interact with people that like doing me favors; and that my job is more or less like acting. And in this play, I impersonate a queen, while my clients assume the role of vassals to this queen.

Donna - Here in Brazil it’s really seldom a dominatrix show her faces and assumes her job. You seem to be OK with that.
DL - It’s not easy to assume. I never felt ashamed of my job, I love what I do, but I was concerned with the way my parents would deal with it. I couldn’t tell them, and because of that, I didn’t post my face on the internet. It was awful; I wanted to tell the world what I did. It didn’t make any sense hiding myself. Everything got better when I was invited to write this book. With it I gained legitimacy, a social recognition as a professional and a writer. I told my family about the book, and my father said: If that’s what you like, you’ll still being our daughter and receiving all our support. You just have to face the consequences”.

Donna - Your book is a lot more explicit then 50 Shades of Grey, whilst there are some similarities on certain parts. You sign a contract with a masochist, that starts living in your house, and you have control over his body for a whole month. And ask a client to count the lashes you give him. Are these merely coincidences?
DL - Signing contracts on a S&M relationship is rather old: since Sacher-Masoch (an Austro-Hungarian writer whose surname inspired the term “masochism”). His most famous romance; ”A Venus in Furs” (1870)tells the history of a couple that signs a servitude contract; the man on the role of a slave, and the woman on the role of a mistress. If someone really desires being a slave, signing a contract is mandatory. After all, I’m bringing into my house a person I seldom know. And counting the lashes is an usual practice in S&M. We can’t compare the two books; they’ve different approach and narrative. I didn’t write a romance, they’re real histories.

Donna - This obsession on controlling people, must appear in other points of your life. Isn’t it healthier, sometimes, being a little bit more flexible?
DL - No doubt about it. There was a time on witch I wanted to control everything: my clients, my future, my marriage, my son, my body – it needed to be thin and perfect -, my dominatrix look and my posture. Then we get to a moment where you say: “Everyone will do as you tell them to. As a result, my autonomic nervous system (that commands everything we don’t (breathing, digestion, blood pressure…) got unbalanced. I had tachycardia, my blood pressure got really high and I started panting. I had sort of a “panic attack”. My body was trying to tell me “No, you cannot control everything, and to show you that, I’ll ignore you, and I will work as it seems fit to me”. I start seeing a psychiatrist, eating instant noodle and I recognized that I also needed my submissive side.

Me, Dommenique
Donna - In your sessions, did anything gone wrong?
DL - Yes. Once I had a client that wanted to be in bondage. I’ve a black leather bag, with lots of buckles, and he wanted to be inside it: Motionless, from head to toe, incapable to speak or see anything. He told me to lock him there and leave. As I’m not stupid, I kept watching by the door. 2 minutes later he started struggling and moaning desperately. Of course, he gets off watching movies with people in bondage. His fetish was much more voyeuristic than masochistic. I went back to the room, told him to calm down,, that I was going to release him and then I gave his money back. He was SO frustrated, and so was I, cause he had promised me that I could do all I wanted to. I did nothing.

Donna - How is and what happens when a client contacts you for the first time?
DL - When I started working with BDSM, I posted a few questions on my website, to help me understand my client’s needs. Nowadays, it’s my clients who must fulfill my needs. The first contact occurs by email, and the first thing I need to know, is if they have any restriction to topics that I like the m most. I do not accept serious objections in 4 topics: spanking (intensity defined by the submissive tolerance), CBT, bondage and tease and denial.  Also, I’ve been avoiding sessions with subs without a certain level of experience. During the email exchange, I also ask whether if he’s married or have a girlfriend, to learn if can or cannot live marks on his body.

Donna - Do you have a high demand for your services?
DL - I used to have up to 5 clients per week. Today, I I’ve about 3 clients a month. Now, I choose my clients, but before I accepted anyone. Today, my priority is not only to make money, but to feel good within the lifestyle I chose. That’s the way I want it to be, I’m in charge. Don’t bother showing me a list of your fetishes. I don’t like, for instance, over exaggerate feminization. Dressing up a sub in latex, is cool,  but some want to wear mini-skirts, wigs… In my opinion, they look quiet ridiculous. I’m attracted by the male figure.

Donna - Seeing so many people getting pleasure by submitting, did you ever feel interested in submitting? 
DL - You’ve never tried being a botton, instead?
I sure did, with my ex. It didn’t work. Once, I’ve tried hot wax on my body, but I hated, it hurts too much. I rather do it on the others.

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